Gods hidden power leads to rest

Lately I've been struggling with continuing on that place of rest in Christ and while maintaining the busy lifestyle of working and keeping up an apartment and family. I even gave a little talk about it at my Tuesday night small group with Zak Ferry a couple of weeks ago where I described what my issues were but didn't necessarily know where to go from there practically.

But last night the Lord did something beautiful for me. He gave me a dream

with part of the answer. I told someone in my dream my struggle with anxiety of going to work everyday and not having time or headspace to go "minister" very much. This person then responded that I need to have faith in Gods power to reach people and do great things through my life even when I don't see it happening with my eyes. And in my dream I really caught hold of this truth and felt a burden lift from me and an excitement spring up within me realizing that I don't have to be anxious for anything, e.g. I don't have to always drive like I'm trying to get somewhere all the time, I don't have to skip over tasks that I feel

are meaningless, but are often necessary, like doing laundry, as fast as possible so as to move on to the meaningful stuff ASAP. If God is truly in control, and faithful, and powerful for me; if I can believe that even through years where I don't see it coming to pass, then I can walk in true peace and happiness.

Perhaps this is also part of the distance I've felt from God:

maybe I've continued to believe that if I approach Him... to be honest, I don't know the answer to this one, if I did, my life would be so much happier. I'm afraid of diving full on into the lifestyle of work and building a home and just trusting God in that, where all of my younger life I thought that people truly passionate for God were those giving up work and a home for the sake of the gospel. Perhaps, like in many of the stories of martyrs that I've read in Foxes Book of Martyrs, each were living the lives God had apportioned to them until the time came for them to give up their lives for Him. Non of them knew the timing nor the age in life when the master of the house would return.

I think another great fear that enters my mind as I type is that of joining a movement for the sake of God that

ends up being something that man created. I don't fully understand the roots of this fear, but I have some ideas. I aspire to freedom in this area someday; I know it will happen. A little snapshot of the roots of this issue in me originate from following movements and churches with zeal and realizing that they are all tainted with man and sin and flesh. The issue that I have is not that they have issues, for what kind of group of human beings does not, it's just that most of the places I've been part of think that they have the ultimate truth at the exclusion of everyone else. This is so incredibly common that I grow weary of trying to find what God is doing on the earth. I figure that if I just live the life I've been given, love the wife I've been given, and seek to serve in the name of Christ instead of being served, I will be found faithful in Gods eyes.

Amen

Any thoughts from anyone? I'm open to insight.

 

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